Monday, November 17, 2008

The Band

Your image as a band says you are visionary or progressive or edgy, or that you're trying really hard not to care about the way you dress! A fashion faux-pas could signal the end of a promising career . . . heed the wisdom of The Rock Bible:

'If you're a man, wearing make-up increases proportionately to your inability to play a musical instrument.'

'Women should dress like color-blind prostitutes. Men should look like hot women.'

'Unless you're sitting on a horse, lose the cowboy hat.'

Art direction by Bryn Ashburn for Quirk.


Friday, November 14, 2008

The Book of Revelation

Gazing into the abyss, the prophet foretells a time when many-headed wild beasts roam the wasteland of rock devouring all that remains: The Buddyheaded Pitchforkagon, Lord iTunia & His iPods, YouTuberius, SXCMJ3000 ... but alas, his words of wisdom fall on deaf ears:

'The great rock prophet ... saw maddening disinterest in his plight to save the world of rock from utter folly. Neither the meat-headed banger nor the methodical noodler saw fit to heed the admissions of those gone before them and many a false prophet and warner-monger did usher in the very end of rock.'

Art direction by Bryn Ashburn for Quirk.


The Fan

No matter how talented the band, how soulful the delivery or how poetic the songwriting, it'd be nothing without a devoted flock of undiscriminating diehard fans. Here's a few guidelines for faithful followers from The Rock Bible:

'Showing up at a show three hours early to get a primo space in front of the stage is reaffirming to all those around you that you don't have a life.'

'No waiting to get an autograph for more than half an hour (although even that seems a bit too long). The band is either getting high or already back at the hotel.'

'If you ask a crew member for a set list, it's best to listen to the first answer you get. Any subsequent requests will be met with an increasing insult and chance of removal from the venue.'

Art direction by Bryn Ashburn for Quirk.